The 'car' in Carnegie
Margaret Morrison Street is a beloved dainty throughway within the confines of Carnegie Mellon University bordered by many residence halls, such as Boss, McGill, Scobell, Welch, Henderson, as well as the biological hazard known as “Donner House”.
A safety analysis run by CMU’s highly esteemed professor Dr. Et Al revealed that the curbs contiguous with the sidewalks that barely anyone uses serve as a potential hazard towards automobiles passing through, thus the sidewalks had to go, expanding the road’s shoulder in the process.
After the university had finished this construction, Dr. Et Al ran a subsequent analysis, this time measuring the road’s level of service. The results were “atrocious”, as the professor said himself. It was obvious what had to happen following this.
Carnegie Mellon unveiled its brand new “Margaret Morrison Memorial 30-Lane Highway.” However, more analyses run by the world’s greatest academic suggested that the university has to build more lanes, otherwise the throughway wouldn’t ever live up to its maximum potential.