Early Friday morning, the sound of explosions rang throughout campus as Carnegie Mellon’s most reviled dorm, Donner House, appeared to spontaneously combust. Luckily no one was harmed, as residents attempt to spend as much time outside of Donner as possible, however the building suffered catastrophic damage. On Monday a CMU representative stated that Donner will, in fact, still be used to house students both this and next year. Nearly all of Donner was reduced to ash and rubble except for one lone surviving room: the band room for the Carnegie Mellon Kiltie Band. “It really is a miracle,” stated one student who wishes to remain anonymous. “It’s almost like Andrew Carnegie and his Scottish pride saved our bagpipes. His heart really was in the work.” Residents of Donner have been attempting to claim the band room for shelter, but the Kiltie Band is standing strong in their defense of their territory. As of publication the cause of the explosion is still unknown. One possible cause was the large amounts of propane tanks, gasoline, and coal found in the basement of Donner. An anonymous source explained that the fuel was used to heat the dorm rooms and water. A Donner RA disputed this, arguing that a bucket of water kept near the basement stairs should have been more than enough to put out the fire before it spread. Another rumored cause was the multiple patches of exposed wires found throughout the building. Often seen sparking, the wires reportedly began to smoke just moments before the building went up in flames. However, README’s in-depth journalistic research has uncovered what is believed to be the real reason Donner exploded: it just does that sometimes.
