Man named Enu goes into hiding after passover sedar
Although it's been nearly a year since that Seder, I am still in fear for my life. The incident started as a simple invitation. Several of my jewish friends invited me to a Passover seder. “You get four glasses of wine,” they said. “It’s like Thanksgiving with three hours of prayers and none of the traditional food,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said. I was naive enough to accept the invitation.
A few days later, I donned a formal dress shirt, combed my hair, and made my way over to my friend’s house. Although I was fifteen minutes late, I was the first to arrive. The coffee table was ordained with jelly candies and flowers. My eyes wavered over to the table where a plate with different items (that they’d later tell me was a seder plate) rested. My friend approached me.
“This is your first passover seder?” he asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll walk you through it.”
At first, I enjoyed the passover seder. We drank a glass of wine, ate parsley dipped in saltwater, and recounted the story of G-d freeing the jews from Egypt. Then disaster struck. One of my so-called friends piped up, “how about we sing ‘die Enu’?”
I froze. Did I hear her correctly? The rest of the group heartily agreed. I sank back into my chair, certainly my ears were malfunctioning. The group began to break into song. I sang the first verse. To my horror, the group sang “die Enu” again. By the chorus I was trembling. All they were saying was “die die Enu” over and over.
I fled the room. As I rushed out the door I could hear their excuses: “dayenu means it would have been enough in hebrew!” “We’re not telling you to die!” I didn’t believe their lies.
After that day, I had to go into hiding. I found a remote village in [redacted] and have been living there since. I told the locals that my name is [redacted] in case they too, had homicidal tendencies towards people named Enu.
To my fellow Enu’s, change your name or flee. And never accept any Passover seder invitations.