Ethics final causes moderate ruckus
Over the past few weeks, local shooting ranges have been seeing an increase in CMU student patronage. According to onsite readme reporters, a number of students are taking time out of their weekends to practice at the pistol range. Many members of reAdme speculate that this may be related to the new philosophy course, 80420: Introduction to Practical Ethics. As opposed to a standard sitdown exam, 80420 utilizes a practical final exam in order to determine a students’ final grade. According to an anonymous whistleblower in the class, the contents of the final have all test takers situated in a lecture hall facing each other. Each student will then be supplied a pistol with a single bullet loaded and the safety off. When the exam starts, test takers are forced to choose one of two choices: to shoot, or not to shoot. Should participants choose to shoot another student, the student responsible for the shooting will earn an A for the semester. However, should a student abstain from shooting, they will earn a D. Shootees will be given 10% off of their next purchase at the Carnegie Mellon University Bookstore, and families of those who have passed will be gifted a free Carnegie Mellon University branded casket. Polls taken by readMe’s field officers outside shooting ranges indicate a large majority of student patrons are indeed registered for 80420. However, readers should note that correlation does not equal causation. It is also possible that students are preparing themselves to defend against burglary. Astute readers will recall the attempted burglary on Walnut Street just a couple weeks prior, where the assailant was armed with a knife and Zelle™©. ReadmE encourages all readers to stay safe and vigilant on the lawless streets of Forbes and Fifth Ave.