US Gov't to seize coal from stockings
Last week the US Department of Energy announced a new plan to obtain more fossil fuels. It is estimated that nearly 75% of America’s youth is on Santa’s naughty list(rising juvenile crime rates, internet challenges, and brain rot have been attributed as the main reasons for this). Thus if one assumes the average lump of coal to weigh around a half pound, that is over 27 million pounds of coal to be used as energy.
Due to this, on Christmas Day the US government will deploy around 38,000 soldiers on holiday leave to seize all of the coal. Worth noting is the fact the government is allowed to deploy those soldiers due to expertly placed “loopholes” in their contracts. All of the confiscated coal is to then be sent to fossil fuel energy facilities around the states they are seized from.
The Department of Energy is hopeful for the high yields in energy that can be gained by seizing this much coal, and there are rumored preparations to create a new “Burn the Flags of Non-US Countries Challenge” to hopefully increase the number of naughty kids to take coal from in 2025.