Tags: Real News

The Grass is Greyer on the Other Side

June 22, 2024, 10:36 a.m.
By: Jasmine Papino-Wood | Vol 1, Issue 2


Carnegie Mellon University is a globally regarded institution. With one of the best computer science programs in the world, a booming arts scene, and plenty of ways to engage its students, it’s no wonder CMU has such a strong reputation. Not only is this school academically challenging, providing students with adequate rigor to keep them at the forefront of innovation, but it also offers a beautiful campus. With unique sprawling buildings, open walkways, the iconic fence traditionally painted by students, and a library that lights up with rainbow colors at night, Carnegie Mellon is truly a spectacle. One of its proudest features is the expansive lawns. Between the Cut (the main lawn in the front of campus), the CFA Lawn, the Mall, and more, there’s no shortage of greenery to enjoy.

Carnegie Mellon spends roughly $80k on maintaining the grass on campus annually. To many’s dismay, the school has announced that they will be removing all the grass on campus due to a lack of funding in the budget. Students have been speculating that this poor budgeting is due to the expulsion of a former student in the class of 2025 for the use of racial slurs directed at university president Farnam Jahanian. With tuition at the school also being $80k, the working theory is that one student on campus is exclusively responsible for maintaining the grass. With this student having been expelled, CMU can no longer fund the lawns on campus. In the announcement, President Jahanian mentions “CMU is opting for a more industrial look to honor Andrew Carnegie’s steel empire and pay homage to the values of our founder”. With the call to school values, one can’t help but wonder if this is a potential dig at the expelled student so flagrantly violating the code of conduct set at the university. Due to the imminent removal of the grass, several distinct groups have formed on campus, each with their own distinct philosophies. The first of these groups, the “CMU Green Lights,” adamantly opposes the removal of the grass. Members have staged protests involving chaining themselves to blades of grass to prevent the inbound landscaping. A second group, the “Lawnmowers,” is in full support of campus adopting a greyer aesthetic. These students have contacted the local steel mills in an effort to expedite the process, hoping to have a fully grey campus by early 2025.

A third, much smaller group, actually doesn’t care about the fate of the grass on campus. These students have focused on the matter of the expelled student. This group takes issue with the way the situation with the student was handled, arguing that he should not have been expelled to begin with, ultimately avoiding the controversy surrounding the grass. One student suggests: “Mark was a fine student with nothing but care in his heart. The intense passion he put into the upkeep of his gun collection and honoring the tradition of his family (gesturing towards a confederate flag) shows how dedicated Mark was to his community. He was always prim and proper, making sure his sheets stayed extra white and always ironing them so they were as pointy as can be, not a wrinkle in sight. To imagine he was ejected from this school instead of one of those affirmative-action, spot-stealing minorities is a disgrace.”