February 24th, 2024, 4:46PM: In a shocking turn of events, a local student exchanging pleasantries responded “I’m good” without a long, heavy silence brimming with unsaid daily anxieties, unfulfilled ambitions and existential dread.
“They didn’t even follow the statement with a discussion about how few hours of sleep they got the previous night,” a startled witness detailed.
Further witness reports stated that the tone of the 2-word statement communicated that the student did not feel as if their life was like walking on a tightrope they could fall off of at any moment.
Officials have described the situation as ‘unprecedented’ and ‘a complete and unexplainable anomaly’.
“Truly we’ve never seen anything like this before”, a panel of experts wrote in a press release. “The student is also reporting still having the spark in his eyes and a general sense of whimsy”.
At this time, the student announced a plan to breathe at normal intervals, horrifying audiences.
