âIâm goodâ Not Followed By Long Contemplative Silence, Officials Investigating
February 24th, 2024, 4:46PM: In a shocking turn of events, a local student exchanging pleasantries responded âIâm goodâ without a long, heavy silence brimming with unsaid daily anxieties, unfulfilled ambitions and existential dread.
âThey didnât even follow the statement with a discussion about how few hours of sleep they got the previous night,â a startled witness detailed.
Further witness reports stated that the tone of the 2-word statement communicated that the student did not feel as if their life was like walking on a tightrope they could fall off of at any moment.
Officials have described the situation as âunprecedentedâ and âa complete and unexplainable anomalyâ.
âTruly weâve never seen anything like this beforeâ, a panel of experts wrote in a press release. âThe student is also reporting still having the spark in his eyes and a general sense of whimsyâ.
At this time, the student announced a plan to breathe at normal intervals, horrifying audiences.