Carnegie Mellon to offer new exchange programs
If the news here in the US of A is starting to get to you, don’t fear. CMU has announced two new exchange programs so you can get the hell out of here, at least for a year.
By popular demand, the CMU-CMU program will be opening next year, allowing students to visit Central Martian University, which boasts similarly rigorous coursework, groundbreaking research labs, and even the opportunity to participate in a few research studies yourself. CMU students will be able to participate in many exciting activities on the CMU campus such as sticking electrodes to yourself and letting the Martians watch you do things, accomplishing tasks such as mazes and puzzles, and getting injected with brand-new Martian medicine! Your “professors” may have to take your vitals every 10 minutes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your time at CMU. Take some time to run around the specially designed “Human Social Interaction Observation Area” with your fellow exchange students, or get a brain chip installed just for fun. Tell your friends and family about the new CMU-CMU program (anyone can go! They just need to be human!).
CMU’s own “Conspiracy Theory TikTokers with Backwards Baseball Caps Association” is offering a study abroad program at the Ice Wall. For those unfamiliar with this clear sign of NASA’s deception, the Ice Wall is what keeps us from falling off the edge of the world (which is flat, of course). If you thought Antarctica existed, congratulations, you’re a sheep. Wake up and see that all the governments in the world, including the US, Russia, and China, have all been collaborating just to keep us from the facts. In this program, you’ll be able to do thought-provoking experiments, such as sending satellites up into the atmosphere, which includes an added seminar of How To Manipulate Your Data So It Proves Your Point. Acceptance into the program requires a QAnon account, a subscription to InfoWars, and a signed waiver stating that you accept the risks of being that close to the edge of the Earth. Participants must bring their own tinfoil hat.