Have you noticed an increase in the quality of README’s articles recently? That’s no accident. You might think it’s because our staff is getting more experienced at writing satire legitimate news, right? NO! We in the editing staff felt a strange sense of familiarity while reading over our previous issue to prepare it for publication, and upon investigation (which consisted of multiple sleepless nights fueled exclusively by Monster Energy during which we pored over every issue of every newspaper ever written), we discovered that every single one of our writers has lifted their content directly from the 16th issue of the 118th volume of the Tartan, published on March 11, 2024 (notably the day before our fourth issue was printed). We greenlit the issue anyway, which may have been a faux pas on our part, but why should we, the innocent editors, take any responsibility for anything bad that happens? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me in every single article written in an entire issue, shame on the writers. What have we, the editing staff, decided to do about this? While we do intend to take our time making the right decision during this very difficult time for our organization, we have summarily shot Benner Rogers, who we thought was our only reliable journalist, for this betrayal. We apologize for our lack of oversight and for this great violation of the integrity of our organization.
Disclaimer: This article was heavily inspired by the plagiarism notice in a 1998 issue of The Lancet.
