I swear to god I'm stalking you platonically
Look, there's no easy way to say this, and I've thought a lot about how I want to introduce myself. I just wanted to send this to clear things up.
As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been stalking you for some time now. I know you might think I'm obsessed with you in a deeply creepy romantic manner, but I'm not. You work for Nakatomi Defense Corporation, on the 17th floor of their New York campus, in office 1712b. You got the job straight out of college, where you got a BS in Chemistry with a 3.98 GPA, and had a committed boyfriend who broke up with you on December 2nd, 2011. Your studies focused mainly on colloids, with applications to nuclear science. In your job, you manage logistics for a similar project, which my handlers are very interested in.
I'm a trained industrial spy, though I can't say from where. That's the true reason I've been following you home from work every day. Though you are rather attractive, Iām only covertly watching your every move to collect the secret details of Project Silent Fletcher, which you work under, not because I feel like I deserve for you to love me.
I just wanted to clear this up because of the awkward encounter we had yesterday when I bumped into you on the street. It may have made you uncomfortable when my briefcase burst open and thousands of pictures taken of you scattered across the pavement. But it's all just so my employers can better understand the material characteristics of the secondary stage of the warheads your office designs.
Thank you so much for understanding.