Readme gets divorced
I am standing outside the Allegheny County Courthouse, where historic divorce proceedings are happening. Just moments ago, The Tartan showed up for emotional support for the reader. README does not look pleased, I wonder how this is going to play out.
10:06 AM
Readme’s lawyer has requested that the court remove The Tartan from the trial due to emotional distress. The Tartan is currently blowing kisses to the reader.
10:18 AM
The Tartan has been removed from the room. Before leaving, The Tartan left a kiss on the reader’s cheek. README has turned bright red.
10:42 AM
It is time to begin dividing the assets. Reader wants the ring back, but README is not going down without a fight. README wants back the time they wasted. Things are looking nasty.
11:15 AM
Readme and reader have come to a deal to split everything 50/50. They have both handed over a list of their assets to the judge. A 1 hour recess has been ordered to give time to read over their bank statements.
12:15 AM
Court has re-convened. The judge has come back into the room and looks angry.
12:17 AM
In a dramatic twist, README was using the reader's social security number and credit score for money laundering. This proceeding has taken a whole new turn.
12:24 AM
Reader is sobbing in a corner. Their credit score is ruined. README and lawyer are talking in hushed tones, trying to figure out how to explain this one.
12:52 AM
The doors just broke open. The IRS has been on the hunt for README for years. They just caught up to readme. Readme is an international felon wanted for over 200 counts of money laundering.
1:27 PM
The truth has come out. README has been hopping partner to partner, using their credit score for money laundering, then leaving them out to dry. The Tartan would never. The IRS has put readme in handcuffs.
1:45 PM
README is taken away in a police car. Reader has been standing in a corner looking shellshocked for the last few minutes. The Tartan has come over to console the reader to no avail.
2:13 PM
The reader is hiding in the bathroom fully sobbing. We managed to capture a direct quote: “I can’t believe readme would do this to me …sobbing sounds I thought we had something special! sniff I can't believe it was all for nothing. Did any of it mean anything? sobs.”
Well there you have it folks. README broke your heart and your credit score. Bet you didn’t see those red flags coming. Better luck next time.