Readme Crime Report
So much scamming and thieving is happening around campus lately. It's bad for the university, but great for my job stability.
Stolen Forbes Beeler Installation
Recently, the sculpture outside of the Forbes Beeler apartments has been stolen. Large scuff marks leading to Fairfax have been found by students. The installation depicted the multiple paint layers on the Fence from 1993 to 2023. CMUPD and CMU administration are unsure of how the sculpture could have been stolen. Witnesses from the night of the attack deny ever seeing a suspicious person(s) near the sculpture. Students residing in Forbes Beeler did not notice or seem particularly upset over the loss of the statue. Currently, there are no leads. CMUPD is currently looking for any DNA evidence left behind that could point to a suspect.
Unknown Printer Menace Still At Large
In a scheme to make everyone suffer, someone has tampered with all the public printers on campus. All the printers were paper jammed or had no paper. On top of that, many of the printers had no toner. Students are frantically urging the university to put a stop to this madness, however there is no evidence that the printers were maliciously interfered with. Custodial staff and faculty have reported that there was no unusual behavior near the printers. One professor commented that he saw a student trying to print a hundred page reading single-sided, but nothing about a potential printer menace. Still, much of the student body is convinced that the printers are being tampered with. The university has urged students to contact the support person for whatever printer they are using if issues arise.
3D Printer Almost Burns Dorm Down
In one of CMU’s freshman dormitories, a 3D printer overheated and triggered the fire alarm. The student was trying to 3D print a life size model of the Statue of Liberty, and left their 3D printer running recklessly for weeks using ABS plastic. Thankfully, no fire actually occurred due to the sprinkler system. When the RA responsible went to investigate, the student’s prohibited electronic devices were discovered. The student was then forced to ship their 3D printer and coffee pot home. Currently no further action is being pursued against said student, who will stay anonymous.