It is clear that CMU students are overwhelmed by unnecessary, unrealistic, unfathomable, unfashionable amounts of schoolwork assigned to them every day. A new policy has just entered into testing by the lab of Dr. Et Al, and has shown remarkable results in regards to student-professor relations.
This policy grants students the ability to assign an unrestricted amount of work to any professor at CMU, or in the state of Pennsylvania. This levels out the playing field by ensuring that professors can relate directly to the everyday struggle of students as they engage in the unending slog of CMU coursework. This practice will ensure that the bond between students and their instructors is tighter than previously seen, and as a labor history professor put it, “we are united in toil.”
“Since the policy has entered into testing, I've assigned four different professors a compendium of League Of Legends Mechanics and Strategy guides. For the final this weekend we will be queuing as a 5-stack” Ryan Chernoff, a School of Computer Science student at 5124 Margaret Morrison St, Pittsburgh, PA 15213 who asked to remain “anonymous”, but to that we respond, “hi anonymous i’m dad”
“It is so nice to be the one producing mediocre work instead of lazily skimming over students' work and rolling a 5d20 to determine their grade—as I have been doing for the past 17 years.” A CMU professor who works at CMU who asked for their CMU affiliation with CMU to remain anonymous
“Fuck th*s shit, this is why I want to do research only.” Dr. Et Al, the professor who is leading this very study
