Inventor Claims AI Powered Paperclip "DIFFERENT THAN CLIPPY"
Up-and-coming Silicon Valley entrepreneur Blake Fence introduced his new product WOOORD (stylized all lowercase) at the famed annual SouthWestEast World Tech Conference on Tuesday. Fence presented his novel assistive technology to a room packed with world leaders and the biggest names in artificial intelligence, neural computation, and autonomous agents.
âWOOORD will revolutionize document writing using deep reinforcement learning and convex optimization,â Fence announced to hundreds of eager investors, âAnd most importantly, WOOORD bears no resemblance to the paperclip-shaped default Microsoft Office Assistant designed to help users with word processing tasks from 1997 to 2003 called Clippit but known colloquially as âClippyâ.â âQuite simply, the world will never be the same. Years and years of development on natural language processing and behavioral science has resulted in our companyâs seamless interface,â Fence continued to raucous applause. âAnd just to be perfectly clear, yes, both interface with word processors, both offer tips to a user while working on documents, and both look like animated paper clips, but Clippy and WOOORD are very different thingsâ
Fence assured the audience that WOOORDâs design, a paper clip with animated eyes and eyebrows, was based off of âcutting-edge research on human-computer interactionâ, and not simply a copied-and-pasted screenshot of a google search for âClippyâ with the search bar prompt included because nobody in the office knew how to take a screenshot of only part of the computer screen.
âI just want to emphasize this one more time. As the founder of WOOORD, I think Clippy is a dumbass schmuck with nothing to offer the world or himself. I think Clippy is the user interface equivalent of New Jersey. If Clippy went to hell, the devil himself would look at Clippy and say he's awful and not in like the oh-heâs-awful-way-but-thatâs-a-good-thing-because -Iâm-the-devil way. The devil thinks Clippy is awful in the Clippy is a dumbass schmuck way. I would rather paper fasteners never even existed if it meant Clippy wouldnât exist. I would rather all of humanity only have loose paper for the rest of our speciesâ lifetime than look at Clippy one more time.â To conclude the presentation, Fence punched a large paper mache version of Clippy and walked off stage.
âThis is the future,â an anonymous investor sitting in the front row told reporters, âIâm going to get in on the ground floor. Invest 3 billion now for a sizable share. Iâm ecstatic.â After the conference, rumors are swirling among tech industry insiders about Fenceâs newest venture, a block-chain, quantum-computing, game-theory based chat-room that Fence assures âis not AOL Instant Messengerâ.