Steam Tunnels Missed Connection
I was once going on a leisurely night-time stroll around campus buildings in November, which offers me the comfort of heating, and to give me the opportunity to explore buildings I otherwise don't have classes in. Doherty hall, in particular, is a complicated maze to the non-art student — and I am sure it still is even if you are one — but, I would like to shine a light on a very unique encounter I had in its lower bowels. I was gallivanting about through the hallway at its lower level, when in the corner of my eye I noticed one of the steam tunnel doors open. Coming out of it was not a maintenance personnel, but rather a traffic cone. A traffic cone with legs sticking out from under it, crawling around like Mr. Krabs. I presume this was a disguise to avoid being caught by CMUPD, as trespassing in said tunnels, while very fun and cool, is strictly forbidden. This is the dumbest fucking disguise imaginable, how could you even think that something like this is going to work? Whoever this was, they would have been better off just putting on a high-vis vest and a hard hat. You are a disgrace to your ancestors, who are much better than you at disguise; after all they have to pretend they love you. They are sobbing.