New ID Loopholes allow for underage drinking!
Readme is proud to announce that it will be hosting a party this Friday night to welcome all incoming freshmen present for o-week, and yes, there will be alcohol. To be invited, simply bring a copy of this week’s Readme issue with you and show it to our bouncer. “What about IDs? Won’t we need to show you our IDs? I went through the trouble of making fake IDs in preparation for college life all for nothing?”, my overactive imagination envisions you, the reader, thinking. Obviously, we won't serve alcohol to partygoers if we see their IDs stating that they are underage. Before giving more details about the party, I, as one of the writers at Readme, would like to reaffirm Readme’s core values and commitment to maintaining those values and high standards of conduct among our staff. Readme is dedicated to providing the facts, and only the facts, to the diverse student body of Carnegie Mellon University. We also pride ourselves on providing an example of how students ought to behave, not just as University students, but as moral, well-functioning adults, so readers may strive to become productive members of society. It is for all these reasons that Readme will continue to adhere strictly to the just laws of this great nation and state. The federal minimum drinking age in the US is 21; just as in past parties, if we see the IDs of anyone at the drinks table that states that they are under 21, we will peacefully (then forcefully if required) turn the student away from the drinks table, and remove them from the party altogether. To prevent this student from re-attempting to drink despite being underage, we will also forward the student’s name along with a picture of their photo ID to other student organizations whom we keep contact with, in case the student tries to drink at any of those organizations’ parties. With all this being said, Readme would like to announce our updated ID policy for this Friday’s party: we will not ask to look at your ID. It’s quite simple, see: if we do not see that your ID states that you are under 21, we won’t know that you are underage and therefore have no obligation to prevent you from drinking. In fact, if you for whatever reason as an underage person decide to shove your ID into the face of our bouncers so we are forced to look at your IDs, we will simply pretend to be extremely nearsighted or illiterate. We look forward to all the students who will show up for a night of decadence and debauchery. Happy drinking